


What Kind of Love Are You On?

by eri_quin



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-02
Updated: 2013-09-02
Packaged: 2017-12-25 09:13:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/951316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eri_quin/pseuds/eri_quin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlisle/Bella drabbles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drabbles: Nightmare-Daughter

**Author's Note:**

> For venus_fiction's "Apple a Day" Bellisle challenge.

**_Nightmare:_ **

****

She’s screaming. Again. It happens over and over, every night. He can’t bear to stay and listen to it, unable to bring her out of her misery and only able to wait for the end to come comfort her. But he’d rather stay there than leave her alone, alone to suffer without any of them. They made the mistake of leaving; he thought he could correct it by coming back.

 

She’s still screaming in the night.

 

He hadn’t meant to become so involved. But nightmare after nightmare caused his stilled heart to ache, and somewhere inside he couldn’t stop the fall as he became attached to her in so many ways.

 

“Edward! Please don’t leave me!” she screams in her sleep.

 

“I’m here, Bella love. I won’t ever leave,” Carlisle mimics his son’s voice perfectly, and for the first time, she calms and smiles and his heart breaks.

 

She’s happy he’s there, glad that any Cullen has come back to her.

 

But it is Edward she longs for.

 

 

**_Pain:_ **

****

Edward left. He promised her he never would, but he broke that promise.

 

_‘Promises are made to be broken,’_ she thinks bitterly.

 

She hates herself for acting the way she does. She’s a complete zombie –as undead as the Cullens, even with her heart beating and her blood rushing through her veins. They are falsities, proof she is alive but not that she is living.

 

Bella doesn’t know why she can’t get over him. Constantly, his beautiful, melodic voice haunts her very being, and she is drowning with nowhere to swim ashore to. It has nothing to do with the waves. It has nothing to do with the very surrounding water pulling and grabbing at her like underwater monsters. It has everything to do with the enchantment he has placed over her, one she can’t, not possibly and not ever, escape from.

 

She’s going to drown in the water.

 

_She’s going to drown in him._

Suddenly, she’s being pulled up and angry, worried, but beautiful smoldering eyes are staring down at her and ice-cold hands drag her from the depths of the monstrous waters. Carlisle, sweet, lovely, Carlisle, is there –and he is angry, and he is scared, _and he is so beautiful_.

 

They all are, just like _him_.

 

And for the first time, it doesn’t hurt to think about him. For the first time, she doesn’t feel that inescapable pain that has haunted her ever so tenaciously.

 

Bella sobs in relief and clutches onto Carlisle until she feels like she’s ready to live again.

 

 

**_Fear_** :

 

He can see it in the way they lean closer together to speak about something as trivial as a TV show. He can see it in the way Esme no longer comes near him, but looks at them speculatively and somehow _approvingly_.

 

He can see Jasper’s astonished eyes as he feels out their emotions, but daren’t think the truth aloud.

 

He can see Rosalie scoff and yet watch with confused but worried eyes.

 

He can see Emmett putting extra effort to make the place more lively and happier because even he can see something is wrong.

 

But he can’t _read_ their thoughts. They’re hiding it, but he can see. The very fear of losing her is coming true, and he is losing her to the man he had seen as his father. This is not his paranoia working, as even the others can see it.

 

He can see Alice looking solemn, sad, happy and knowing all at the same time. And he knows, she’s known it would happen all along.

 

Edward fears he cannot trust anyone now, especially his _father_.

 

 

**_Truth:_ **

****

Edward’s human girl was more enticing than he’d imagined she would be, even with Edward’s vivid description. She was flushed with a lovely blush on her face, that lightly trailed down her lily-white neck, and her straight brown hair echoed warmth.

 

Her head was tilted down in embarrassment, she was here after another accidental self-induced injury after all, and he waited for her to look up at him. When she does finally, his breath actually hitches when he catches sight of innocent and trusting chocolate eyes.

 

She smiled shyly at him.

 

“Hello, Dr. Cullen. Sorry, I had another accident.”

 

He chuckled lightly. “It’s alright, Bella. What is it this time?”

 

He is trying very hard to calm himself, because he is still a predator and even with his self-control the monster inside him is roaring and panting with need.

 

“Ah, I tripped and I might’ve sprained my ankle. Are –are you okay, Dr. Cullen?”

 

He grimaced mentally, not knowing he had been so obvious.

 

“Yes, Bella. I’m quite alright.”

 

“Please, sir. Don’t lie,” she murmurs and he tenses unnoticeably.

 

Edward was right. She is much too observant.

 

“You are…so very tempting, Bella,” he should not be saying this. “So… _alluring_. Everything about you is so tantalizing and you’re calling out to me like a siren.”

 

He is breathing heavily and his eyes are darkened, and he feels so human right then.

 

She is shocked, but not scared. She is almost curious, but mostly thoughtful.

 

“Edward said you had the most self-control out of all of you, right?”

 

He nods stiffly.

 

“I won’t…I won’t tell,” and she’s looking at him wide-eyed and curious at what he would do.

 

And the invitation is too much and before he knows it, he is burrowing into her embrace and inhaling her scent like it was the blood he so very needed to live. Because this was only what his self-control is allowing him, and it is all he can ask for. It is all he can take.

 

She was Edward’s personal brand of heroin, but the truth was that Bella was so much more than that. To Carlisle, she was something so very precious.

 

He was not addicted. He was enlightened and freed.

 

Bella Swan was not his drug. She was his very life.

 

 

**_Jealousy:_ **

****

They were taunting him again. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t like Carlisle could approach her just yet. The break between her and Edward was too close, hadn’t been that long ago. But even Edward was in on the taunting. His former _wife_ taunted him.

 

When he refused to go anywhere near Bella, close enough to touch, they decided they would do what he wouldn’t. Esme had taken to having Bella help her cook, touching her unnecessarily whenever she could. Emmett loved to roughhouse play with her, sneaking in inappropriate touches.  Rosalie tells her that knowing how to fix cars is essential, coercing her to spend time with her and then getting dirty so they could take showers together. Alice and Jasper cuddle with her at night, while she sleeps. And Edward dazzles her whenever he sees her.

 

Carlisle does nothing to capture her attention. And yet he still has it.

 

And that comforts him at the least, even when the others are teasing and taunting and playing dirty to get him jealous. It gives him even more satisfaction to know the others are just the slightest bit jealous because after everything they do, Bella likes him best even when he does nothing.

 

That doesn’t mean they aren’t succeeding in making _him_ jealous.

 

 

**_Doctor:_ **

****

Bella hates doctors. She’s even sure that she’s developed a phobia for them. But it is her own fault. She’s the one who’s clumsy.

 

Bella, the klutz.

 

Didn’t matter who or where, Bella was still the clumsy girl that got sent to the emergency room and had to be fixed up constantly by a doctor.

 

When she moves to Forks, Washington, she knows it’s not going to be any different. The first time, and surely not the last, she’s goes to the hospital there, she’s meets a man more handsome than any movie star she’s ever known.

 

Dr. Carlisle Cullen.

 

And suddenly, she’s not that afraid of doctors. Suddenly, she’s throwing away all her apples. And more suddenly, she doesn’t mind so much that she has accidents that forces her go see the doctor. Because Dr. Just Carlisle is an absolute angel.

 

Even with that predatory look in his eyes that she’s not really sure she’s imagining.

 

 

**_Lover:_ **

****

His cold hand drifts passed her heated skin, making its way down her arm and trailing until he plants it firmly on her hip. His cool breath breathes down onto her neck and his other arm is possessively wrapped around her.

 

She’s beautiful, warm, and _his_.

 

Even as a vampire, she holds such human qualities that endear him to her. She’s graceful, but still has her clumsy moments. Her beautiful brown eyes are replaced by topaz, that smolders more than any other vegetarian vampire he knows. She’s even _repulsed_ by blood still.

 

And here she was, sated in the afterglow of their lovemaking, eyes closed in a mimicry of sleep. He was the one with her.

 

He smiled against her neck.

 

His smile turns into a frown.

 

She is here content, but it is not he that she wants to be happy with. Not even that young one, that brat who thought he could get away with challenging the Volturi and survive, was the one she wishes to be with.

 

Imagine Aro’s surprise to find out, when they first became lovers, that it is not even young Edward’s name she calls out as she comes for him.

 

She screams, “Carlisle!” instead.

 

 

**_Protector:_ **

****

He’s always been her protector. When Edward saves her life, Carlisle comes to make sure she’s not too hurt from the concussion she still manages to receive. When they are confronted by the three vampires, Carlisle takes charge and tries to make the situation non-threatening. When Rosalie starts to refuse to help Edward, Carlisle berates her and makes Bella know she’s wanted. When Edward is close to killing her, Carlisle forces him to remember what Bella means to him, while trying to stop Bella from bleeding to death.

 

It’s his car, she runs away in. It’s his permission and blessings to Edward that keeps her away from James.

 

She wonders why he bothers so much.

 

On her wedding day to Edward, Carlisle is the one walking her down the aisle, because Charlie is dead and he’s supposed to be her second father. His grip on her is tight and he seems fearful and reluctant to give her away. She looks up at him and sees his eyes, and in that moment understands the usual unreadable look in his eyes. Her breath locks up in her throat and she can’t gasp.

 

She knows why he bothers.

 

Bella quietly wishes she would have met Carlisle first, before ever meeting Edward. The guilt she expects doesn’t come. But it is her wedding day, and it is not the time for regrets.

 

So she waits at the altar, and wonders why she’s the one waiting. The groom was supposed to already be there.

 

And then Alice and Jasper are looking at her in remorse, Emmett and Rosalie are confused, and Esme is crying and hurriedly pushing Carlisle to her, who doesn’t need any more prompting and rushes to Bella.

 

The gasp she couldn’t do earlier comes, and she’s gasping for breath as she collapses at the altar. But Carlisle is already there, been there, and he’s protecting her again. He’s always protecting her.

 

He wraps his solid arms around her and she is crying into him, but he says a steady stream of assurances and words full of love.

 

The groom left the bride at the altar.

 

Edward left her again.

 

And in front of everyone, Carlisle tilts her head up and kisses her.

 

 

**_Father:_ **

****

Charlie is Bella’s father. _He_ is. So he can’t help the niggling little jealousy inside that comes because Bella considers Carlisle as a sort of second father. That jealous feeling expands when she comes over to their house all the time, and spends more time with her second father than her first and supposed to be only.

 

He tries to get over it, and doesn’t mention it to anyone. The part of him that thinks he can bond with Carlisle more over this shared bond is the one he shows the most. He smiles at Carlisle whenever they cross paths, never telling the doctor his true feelings about the shared title to his daughter. He chats with Dr. Cullen, and doesn’t show how much it pains him how much more of a father Carlisle acts towards Bella than he, awkward, loser Charlie.

 

It’s unreasonable, but he only got her back recently –only, it seems, to lose her to Carlisle.

 

That’s why after Edward and his daughter actually break up, when Carlisle comes over to his house and tells him he’s seeing his daughter (as in _seeing seeing_ ) does Charlie strangely seem relieved. He doesn’t have to be second to someone who’s not really Bella’s dad.

 

And that’s when his paternal instincts come in and he starts acting like Bella’s father, by decking Carlisle in the jaw.

 

He wonders why he’s the one who ended up with a broken hand.

 

 

**_Daughter:_ **

****

Carlisle has never really been nervous before. But sitting in front of Charlie Swan, and it’s as scary as Edward proclaimed it to be, was very nerve wracking. Telling Chief Swan that you’re dating his daughter, when you’re supposed to be somewhere around his age, is even worse. He had no doubts Charlie would have no qualms putting a gun to Carlisle’s head and shooting him dead, never mind that he was a vampire. He only hoped Charlie never found out what he was or how to kill a vampire.

 

He was doomed then.

 

“She’s my daughter.”

 

Oh, that didn’t sound very happy.

 

“She’s my _daughter_ , Carlisle.”

 

Emphasis on daughter, and repeated. Not very good signs.

 

“Dr. Cullen, _weren’t you married_?!”

 

Reverted to formalities and a reminder of something that would cause problems.

 

“Charlie –”

 

Charlie was glaring at him. He winced.

 

“Chief Swan, I’m divorced. Esme is very encouraging about this, as is the rest of the family. Except Edward.”

 

Charlie actually growled, “Does it look like I care about _him_?”

 

Usually, Carlisle would’ve defended his son, no matter the differences between them right now, but he had a feeling Charlie just wouldn’t give a damn about what he had to say about Edward and already had his mind made up.

 

“I…I really do care about her. In fact, I’m very sure that I love her.”

 

Charlie sighed angrily and roughly shoved a hand through his hair. “Another Cullen. _Another_ , What is it about your family?”

 

 Carlisle half-heartedly shrugged, hoping those words were becoming resigned. He didn’t want to make Bella unhappy by alienating her father.

 

“You hurt her like that boy of yours, I’ll find a way to make your life a living hell. You got that, Carlisle?”

 

He nodded his head confidently, glad that things were resolved happily. Charlie turned back to being nicer and just a bit awkward, though he was never really awkward unless it was his daughter. Except maybe this new situation made him feel a bit awkward and that was why he was acting uncomfortable now with Carlisle. Still, he tried not to twitch at the sudden mood change.

 

As Charlie held out his hand for him to shake, Carlisle thought that between Charlie and Bella Swan, there was proof humans can be scarier that vampires.

 

Started 12/08/08 –Completed 12/9/08


	2. Drabbles: Kiss-Soul

**_Kiss:_ **

****

His lips are very firm and demanding against hers. They aren’t at all hesitant, but very confident. In fact, he never tries to pull away, leaving her gasping for breath and so very dazed. He doesn’t hide the smug smirk, or the lick of his lips that say he wants more. He doesn’t hide the raw desire in his eyes or look ashamed at the way he’s acting. He’s not afraid to handle her.

 

She’s human, but in some ways so is he.

 

At least, Carlisle has the control to pull off the act very convincingly.

 

He smashes his lips against hers, only his self-control preventing him from hurting her with the force of his kiss. And she is breathless and wants to not be human, so she doesn’t have to ever stop kissing him.

 

Bella whimpers and hopes he won’t ever pull away.

 

 

**_Embrace:_ **

****

This is something he shouldn’t acknowledge. It was wrong, really, and he knows only three people who know outside of himself. Esme, his best friend and confidante, is pushing him forward, even though it breaks her heart. Jasper knows how he feels, can feel it and has confronted him, but surprisingly stands by his side strongly. It’s only luck that Edward hasn’t found out, like Jasper has.

 

It is Alice, who disapproves.

 

She’s seen the future, she’s seen what happens. It’s a fact that grants him a small bit of happiness because he has the assurance that it’ll come true for now. But Alice doesn’t want it to come true, is happy with the way things are. She’s worried about all of them, true, and despite not wanting her vision of Carlisle to come true, she still loves and cares for him. And it is not even Edward she completely worries about, worried about how her brother will take the change or react to the situation.

 

She’s worried about her best friend and sister, Bella.

 

Carlisle understands Alice’s point of view. Bella’s emotions are very fragile. She will likely be confused and torn up, and will probably blame herself if there is a break in the family because of this. Bella will take this whole thing hard, even though happiness is so near her.

 

But Carlisle is not a man to deny himself. He was selfish enough to turn Edward and Esme. He cannot bear to be so close to true happiness now and have it ripped away from him.

 

He is in love with Bella Swan, and he’s finally embraced that fact.

 

 

**_Touch:_ **

****

Their feelings are always at the front of their minds. Jasper can’t flee from it. Sometimes, he gasps and feels like he can’t breathe from the sheer intensity of it. Which is ridiculous, considering he’s a vampire and he doesn’t need to breathe. And even more ridiculous considering it’s coming from _Carlisle_ and _Bella_. Their feelings for each other are even stronger than Edward and Bella’s for each other.

 

Their emotions are constantly touching him.

 

Each touch drives him insane. The need, the longing, the love. Then there’s the unhappiness, the pain, and the depression. And sometimes affection, fondness, and joy are the simple emotions that fleetingly touch his mind.

 

He can’t take it anymore and he confronts them. Together.

 

They look confusingly at him, but Jasper needs a moment to gather his wits.

 

“Are you two having an affair?” he asks them bluntly.

 

Carlisle grimaces and Bella tries to stop the tears from falling. Jasper sends a wave of calm at them, wanting answers.

 

“No, Jasper. That is…not quite the case. Esme and I have been drifting apart, and the reason is…because I have feelings for Bella. I’ve confessed to her not too long ago,” Carlisle admits softly.

 

Bella reluctantly continued, “After he told me, I was confused. I loved Edward, but then after Carlisle’s confession, my mind refused to forget about it. I began to constantly think about him, and then my feelings…just _changed_. I’m sorry! I couldn’t stop it!”

 

She burst into tears, alarming both Jasper and Carlisle. Except Carlisle is faster, and his adopted father is by her side in seconds, cooing and holding her tightly. And Jasper sees it.

 

Their touch against each other is akin to the same feeling their emotions feels like touching his mind. He can see every emotion in the way they touch each other, and remembers how it felt. He’s glad the others are out hunting and not here to witness this.

 

Not only because Jasper didn’t want to cause any trouble, but also because he felt a bit special being the only one to witness it.

 

It was the single most intimate touch he’s ever experienced.

 

 

**_Bite:_ **

****

Carlisle is dragged through Volterra, not knowing what was going on. He’s disheveled, but unharmed. Still, he’s unsure of what the Volturi wants of him.

 

He’s pushed through the doors and is in front of Aro, Marcus, and Caius. Except he only has eyes for Aro, who is looking at him patronizingly with a mocking smirk on his face.

 

“Carlisle, Carlisle, Carlisle. Look what you’ve put this poor human through.”

 

And confusedly, Carlisle looks down at the body in front of the three, wrapped in a bloodied white sheet. He had thought it was just another one of their meals, but now he could smell the familiar tantalizing scent.

 

“Bella,” he whispered, voice coming out hoarse.

 

He struggles harder against Demetri and Felix, trying to get to Bella, but it’s no use and they hold onto him. Aro slowly lifts the sheet and he can see Bella is barely alive, breathing seemingly nonexistent and heartbeat slowing down.  There is so much blood and the venom unfamiliarly pools into his mouth, and he feels disgusted with himself for even craving her blood when she is lying there dying.

 

“Why?” he growls out.

 

“Because you didn’t fulfill your end of our bargain,” Aro smiles cruelly.

 

Oh. Carlisle remembers now. They’d bargained with the Volturi, promising to turn Bella into a vampire. They never did. Edward had never planned to.

 

“It’s not too late,” Marcus tells him softly. “Just one bite.”

 

And now Carlisle understands. They didn’t feed on her. They brought Bella close to death so they could punish them. Punish them by forcing them to fulfill their part in the covenant.

 

“Go ahead, Carlisle. Finish her off. Fulfill our agreement,” Aro is waiting, as is the others.

 

But Carlisle doesn’t know. Edward didn’t want this life for her. Bella had wanted Edward to turn her. And he is not sure what to do in the face of all these problems.

 

“She’s dying, Carlisle,” Marcus speaks now, because Aro is the cruel one with the mocking smile while Caius is the silent one. “Don’t you want to save her? After all the pain we put her through, don’t you want to stop it for her?”

 

 _‘We brought her to the edge of death because you tried to fool us. And now you are the fool,’_ is what he’s saying truly.

 

“Choose for her now, Carlisle. Give her death…or give her eternity.”

 

And he looks at Marcus, because he actually really hates Aro and his mocking smile and doesn’t want to see the impassiveness of Caius, and he sees the little nudge in Marcus’ strange tender smile.

 

Carlisle knows the truth, and knows that Marcus knows.

 

Suddenly, Demetri and Felix’s hold on him is loosened and he is rushing forward. He cradles Bella’s broken body in his arms, and he wishes he can cry. But he cannot.

 

He doesn’t want to let go of her. He doesn’t want Bella to die. He loves her too much to let Death claim her.

 

Carlisle bares his fangs and bites Bella.

 

_Just one bite._

 

 

**_Heal:_ **

****

They’re both healing together. They’re trapped, after all, with no way out and no one but themselves to comfort each other.

 

They don’t know if the others know where they are, or even if they care anymore. Because they sure don’t care anymore if the others care. They’ve grown apathetic to anyone other than themselves. They’ve grown tired about wondering about the others.

 

Here in Volterra, Carlisle and Bella only had each other. The others stranded in that fortress are nothing to them, and so they only need each other. They build on each other until they are slowly healing from the outside in.

 

She’s still fragile and he’s cracked. But they’re healing.

 

That’s still something.

 

When she cries, he holds her. When he dry sobs, she sits on his lap and lets him clutch onto her. The crying eventually lessens from the beginning and soon they only confide and acknowledge in each other. It’s an existence they have grown comfortable with.

 

They heal and they love each other.

 

There are no more wounds that need to be healed anymore.

 

 

**_Tears:_ **

****

Bella’s tears are common now. She never used to cry so easily when they first met. After Edward left, that changed. It was an unhappy change they had come back to. They didn’t want to see evidence of what their disappearance had done to Bella, but her tears told them the truth.

 

It had changed Bella subtly, and yet obviously.

 

It is something Carlisle regrets the most.

 

They’re back and she’s happy again, but her tears aren’t so rare anymore.

 

And Carlisle will do anything to make that not true.

 

 

**_Smile:_ **

****

Her smile had always been precious to him. That real happy smile had always been reserved for _him_ alone. She’d smile at the others, but that one smile was always only for him. That smile full of happiness, love and tenderness.

 

Edward thrived on that smile.

 

When he left, that smile came less to him. She’d smile, of course, but it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t _his_ smile. It was the ‘everyone’ smile.

 

And the more he tried to gain back that smile, the less she gave it. Then it happened. She smiled _his_ smile. But not at him.

 

She gave his smile to _Carlisle_.

 

Bella gave _his_ loving smile to Carlisle.

 

More than anything, Edward knew then…that it wasn’t his smile anymore. It was _Carlisle’s_.

 

Because she doesn’t smile like that at Edward anymore. She only smiles like that towards Carlisle. And that kills him more than loosing

 

 

**_Laugh:_ **

****

Her laugh was beautiful. He was in awe of it. He’d never heard anything so lovely in all his long years. It was so full of sincerity and happiness.

 

It made him feel warm.

 

Carlisle couldn’t have Bella, but he was satisfied at the moment in sharing her laughter.

 

Still, that didn’t mean he wasn’t planning on trying for more later on.

 

 

**_Heart:_ **

****

They were alike, she should think. Kind, compassionate, loving and very caring. She was sweet and worried a lot about others. He did everything he could to save people. They were gentle souls. A matching pair.

 

That’s right.

 

Alice would think that Carlisle and Bella were a matching set. They both had such big hearts, hearts that tried so hard to love everyone.

 

It was only fitting that they give their hearts to each other.

 

 

**_Soul:_ **

****

“Do you really believe I have a soul, Bella?” Carlisle laughed bitterly.

 

Bella shivered, but didn’t answer.

 

“I don’t have one, Bella! What kind of person with a soul steals their son’s girlfriend? Can selfishly love you, even when you’ve always loved another?!”

 

Carlisle stood up abruptly, at the same time as lightning struck in the background, and the chair he sat in clattered noisily to the ground. He paced angrily in front of her, like a caged lion, ready to attack.

 

She watched him warily, knowing he wasn’t like Edward. This man had control. Edward had always been afraid and therefore always a little too careful. Carlisle had intimidating control, a control that allowed him to be able to do as he pleased.

 

Suddenly, he struck. He was inches away from her, pinning her against the wall she’d been cowering against. He nuzzled his nose against her neck, growling predatorily.

 

“I can ravish you now. Take what I want. I have the control to have you without harming you. Physically, at least. Does someone like that have a soul?”

 

She shivered again. But all the intimidation tactics he used and anger he exuded, was nothing compared to the self-hate and anguish she could feel coming from him.

 

Bella pulled him the last two inches to her, clutching him to her bosom as he dry-sobbed. She ran her hand through his honeyed hair, brushing her lips against his forehead.

 

“Isn’t it enough to know _I_ believe you have a soul?”

 

And then she kissed him tenderly.

 

Started 12/9/08 – Complete 12/16/08


	3. Drabbles: Cold-Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: If anyone can guess the inspiration for the story influencing Darkness, they get to choose which one of the other drabbles gets a sequel. I will say that the characters are taken from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (the original, not the Disney version) and its sequel Through the Looking Glass.

**_Cold:_ **

****

Bella never really liked the cold. In fact, she hated it. She moved to Forks to be with her father, and dreaded it because she knew the town would be cold and rainy. And then she met Edward.

 

She tolerated the cold because he was cold. She loved him and wanted to be close to him. So she had to endure the cold, marble skin of his.

 

And then he came along.

 

With Carlisle, she didn’t have to endure the cold. She grew to _love_ it. Just like she grew to love him. And he’d wrap around her like a cold statue, molded perfectly into her.

 

The cold didn’t bother her anymore.

 

 

**_Warm:_ **

****

She was warm. He’d forgotten how lovely it felt, the warmth of a human being’s skin. Feeling how warm she was now, even from far away, he was beginning to feel the effects of becoming addicted.

 

It wasn’t long before he began to crave her warmth.

 

He knew it was wrong. Bella was with his son. And he was married. But it’s been so long since he’d felt the heat of a warm body. And Bella was warm, loving, and so _sweet_.

 

It would be nice, he thought, to give in just this once.

 

 

**_Pulse:_ **

****

No pulse. Where was her pulse?!

 

There. Weak, but there.

 

It couldn’t happen this way. It couldn’t. They were losing her. Bella was dying and they couldn’t do a damn thing. And he didn’t know what to do, most of all.

 

Carlisle hated the times when he wasn’t able to save a patient. He hated it even more now that it was Bella he couldn’t save. The one thing he could do, no one but him wanted. Well, except for Bella and Alice.

 

But he had to ask Charlie first.

 

“If I could do anything to save her, would you consent to it?”

 

And the beloved father wept and said yes.

 

So Carlisle did it. And soon there wasn’t a pulse altogether.

 

 

**_Light:_ **

****

_“Don’t go, Bella! Listen to my voice! Come back to us! Come back to **me**!”_

 

Someone was calling her. But she didn’t want to listen. The light ahead was so beautiful. If she kept walking towards it, she felt like she could finally be at peace.

 

_“Bella…I love you.”_

She hesitated. There was so much sincerity and love in those words that it made her pause. Even worse, she could feel the underlying anguish and desperation in it. She was hurting this man, by going closer to the light. And he was desperate to keep her back.

 

_“Please, Bella.”_

Those words made up her mind. And she remembered. As she walked away, turning her back to the light, she smiled and felt determination.

 

As she opened her eyes, she looked into the face of her angel.

 

“You came back,” Carlisle’s voice cracked.

 

She smiled, “Of course. You’re my own personal light.”

 

 

**_Darkness:_ **

****

They never came back. After Edward forced them to leave, they never came back. And when they did, this is what they came home to.

 

Bella in a mental asylum.

 

“It’s real! I swear! Wonderland is real!” Bella screeched, held down by orderlies as they injected sedatives into her.

 

Carlisle winced, as he administered it. He’d specifically asked to be assigned as her doctor. He’d felt it was his responsibility, his obligation. More likely, he felt guilty for what they had done.

 

Alice and Rose were Bella’s only frequent visitors. Alice loved Bella. Bella had been a sister and best friend to her. Rose was horrified at what had happened to her. She only acted cruel because she wanted to protect her family…but then Bella _became_ family. And Rose grew to like her, even though she never showed it. She was trying to be there now.

 

Emmett was too afraid of seeing her like this, but he came every once and a while. He never talked when he visited, but he was always a solid presence. He actually kept Bella calm and she never talked about her delusions when he was there.

 

Esme took one look and cracked. The events following her first glimpse of her beloved human daughter was all a whirlwind. She ran off, sent divorce papers to Carlisle, and holed herself up on her island.

 

Jasper came whenever he was able. He was almost as frequent as Alice and Rose, accompanying them more likely than not, but he still hesitated to come. He was ashamed and felt guilty. He felt if he hadn’t of lost control back then, they never would have left. And Bella wouldn’t be like this. For Bella, he’d learn to better his control.

 

Edward never came. He never had the courage to come see her as she was now.

 

Out of all of them, visiting as a doctor and otherwise, Carlisle got to see her the most. And he knew how badly their disappearance from her life destroyed her. She’d created another reality in her head. She called it ‘Wonderland.’

 

Edward was the Cheshire Cat. Alice was the White Rabbit. Jasper was the Mock Turtle and Emmett the March Hare. Rosalie had become the Duchess as Esme became the White Queen. And he earned the title of the Mad Hatter. He wondered if there was a significance as to why Bella had separated him into a character away from Esme’s White Queen. Perhaps Bella had known all along.

 

“Oh, Mad Hatter…Hatta,” Bella murmured drowsily to him. She gave him a sideways smile from her spot lying on her side on the hard bed.

 

He smiled hesitantly back. Sometimes, she’d have brief moments of clarity where she knew he wasn’t the Mad Hatter. But she didn’t _know_ who he was. She’d completely erased any sign of the Cullens from her mind, instead inserting them into a make-believe world. She was so distraught that she’d locked away everything about them in her mind. But she couldn’t completely let them go, which was why she’d created Wonderland and made them into characters in her world.

 

And so sometimes, she’d lose herself and think she was in Wonderland and the people around her were characters from her fantasy world. And made _him_ distraught.

 

“Hatta, can I have my goodnight kiss?” Bella tilted her head up, and he lightly kissed her forehead, trailing cold lips down to the corner of her lips.

 

When he leaned back, the glaze in her eyes lightened a little.

 

“Dr. Carlisle, Hatta was just here,” she murmured, confused. “When –when will I be able to go to Wonderland and see everyone again?”

 

Carlisle just smiled sadly. He’ll help her through this. He’ll make sure Bella was okay again and pull her out of her perpetual darkness.

 

 

**_Heartbeat:_ **

****

Bella blushed, but did nothing to discourage her lover. He was still against her chest, as they lay on their bed. He liked listening to her heartbeat. Every night, when she goes to sleep, he holds her close but lays on her to listen to her heartbeat. His ear to her chest, heart beating erratically. He always took time to listen to it.

 

All through the night, from the time she starts to fall asleep to the time she wakes up, Carlisle listens to her heart beat to its own tune.

 

“I’m going to miss listening to this,” he admits.

She smiled sweetly. “But then our heartbeats will finally be in sync.”

 

And he gets the joke and laughs with her.

 

 

**_Winter:_ **

****

“It’s snowing, Carlisle!” Bella smiled.

 

Usually, she hated the snow, but Carlisle had promised her a surprise. She wasn’t sure what he had planned, but she was happy he’d thought of something special to do for her.

 

“Do you trust me, Bella?” he asked her softly.

 

She scoffed playfully. “Of course I do. So what are we doing?”

 

The honeyed-haired man gave her an angelic smile that made her knees weak. He guided her out of the car, explicitly telling her to close her eyes, and she was lifted up and she knew she was being carried. She didn’t even notice when they’d stopped, until he had set her down carefully on a log.

 

“Wait, let me put on your shoes,” Carlisle quickly stopped her from opening her eyes.

 

“But I already have snow boots on,” she protested confusedly.

 

“Just wait.”

 

And she could feel him gently easing her feet out of her snow boots and then quickly putting something much heavier. She was already moving out onto the ice when she realized he’d put _skates_ on her.

 

“Carlisle, we’re skating?! Do you know how dangerous that is, with me?”

 

He laughed affectionately at her. “Don’t worry, Bella. Just let me lead you.”

 

And he’d led her to the middle of the frozen rink before he’d let her open her eyes. And she gasped aloud at what he’d done.

 

He’d created a winter wonderland for her.

 

“Do you like it?” he whispered into her ear.

 

Feeling tears in her eyes, Bella nodded. She gazed at the ice sculptures of a choir of angels, the ice ornaments on the trees, the frozen lake they were on, and the silvery decorations Carlisle had added to the natural decorations. There were snowmen to one side, positioned in a reenactment of the Nativity scene, and snowmen on the other side of Santa Claus and all of his reindeer.

 

“It’s so pretty,” she said in awe.

 

“Not as pretty as you,” and then Carlisle lifted a piece of mistletoe from his pocket and held it above their heads.

 

She grinned and closed her eyes.

 

 

**_Summer:_ **

****

“Summer in Forks is never different,” Bella deadpanned, staring at the cloudy sky.

 

Carlisle laughed and ruffled her hair. “Then let’s have summer elsewhere.”

 

She looked at him questioningly, but he just smiled at her enigmatically.

 

“Close your eyes,” he murmured into her ear.

 

And suddenly they were moving fast, and it seemed like she was suspended in time with just the lightest breeze touching her. She was set down and when she opened her eyes, she was surprised to see she was in a yacht in the middle of a body of ocean.

 

She giggled in happiness and turned to her love to show her happiness, when she caught him sparkling in the sun. Her mind shut down.

 

Carlisle was waiting for a response and looked at Bella to see she was staring at him dazedly. Waving a hand in front of her face, he chuckled when he realized the way he looked in the sun had totally mesmerized her.

 

“Bella, dear, this would be more enjoyable if you’d just give me a kiss.”

 

She snapped out of it and launched herself happily, peppering his face with butterfly kisses.

 

 

**_Spring:_ **

****

“I hate spring,” Bella declared.

 

Carlisle raised a honey colored eyebrow at her. “Why’s that?”

 

“I get all my allergies in the spring. It’s terrible! I used to get nosebleeds too.”

 

“Well, it’s a good thing you don’t now –what with the company you keep,” he grinned at her.

 

“It’s not funny,” she mumbled angrily. “I tell you –Achoo!”

 

A sneeze cut off whatever she had wanted to say. Carlisle burst into laughter at that.

 

“You have such a cute sneeze though!”

 

Bella grumbled a lot of unsavory things under her breath about him as she stomped away, but he could still hear them. Still chuckling, he followed after her.

 

“I’m sorry, dear. Will a kiss make it better?”

 

“No kisses for you anymore!”

 

Horrified, Carlisle chased after her giggling, running figure.

 

 

**_Fall:_ **

****

“The leaves are very pretty,” she commented morosely, looking at the leaves floating down from their perches on their trees.

 

“It’s fall. It’s only inevitable that the leaves fall as well. It’s time for them,” he remarked in a soothing tone.

 

“I’m getting older, Carlisle. Just like these leaves. It’s going to be my time as well.”

 

He frowned at her, “Don’t think like that. I know you’re getting older, but I won’t let you die. So don’t worry, Bella. You won’t fall like those leaves. Your time won’t come. It never will.”

 

“I’m nineteen. How much longer do I have to wait? I don’t want all of you to leave me behind. I feel like such a burden to all of you like this. A fragile, mortal human.”

 

“We like you like this. We feel needed and we enjoy your humanity. Let’s enjoy it for a while longer, okay? Let the rest of us savor it while it lasts. We don’t mind it at all, Bella. And we’d never leave you behind. You’re family. Just wait. Twenty-three. We’ll be the same age then, at least.”

 

“The same age as you,” she smiled at him fondly.

 

He nodded in agreement, “The same age.”

 

“No one can say anything about us then, right?”

 

“Not at all.”

 

And he leaned down at the same time as she leaned up, meeting in a soft kiss.

 

Started 12/17/08 –Completed 12/21/08


End file.
